All the talk over the past few days has been the validity of alleged and/or guilty users of performance-enhancing drugs being inducted into Cooperstown. It is a worthy conversation as it has essentially become the baseball topic du jour. And being that we have entered the winter blahs portion of the calender, and baseball’s big moves have (likely) been made, I know that there isn’t much to seek our teeth into for another month and a half. It doesn’t change the fact that I am just tired of seeing my Twitter timeline being dominated by it. I’m dangerously close to not caring at all. Have the PED-users wing. Problem solved. I have more important stuff to worry about.

Like pretending I know the best lineup to slot in day in, day out! Something that recent Indians managers either did not have the talent capacity for, or, worse, the scant possibility that they just couldn’t figure it out on their own. So I’m gonna help our new skipper. Because I’m not above admitting to y’all that I know everything.

This is the lineup that I would think would provide the best mix of balance (and match-up difficulties for opponents).

1. Kipnis

2. Cabrera

3. Brantley

4. Santana

5. Swisher

6. Reynolds

7. Destructicus Mashimus* (Back story: The best designated-hitter in the universe, and we don’t have one as of yet. Antonetti and Francona sent me on a scouting trip since Mike Morse is whining like a big baby. Amazingly, I found him at a bus stop in Greece. He willing to play for payment in Ramen Noodles. Capable of hitting .380/67 homers/562 RBI; Keith Law soils himself. Can move up the lineup with experience. Has an even worse throwing arm than Grady Sizemore and Johnny Damon combined. Max distance per throw: 15 feet.)

8. Chisenhall

9. Stubbs

Now I know that matching up doesn’t automatically lead to success. It tempts managers to over-manage at times. To me, that looks like a pretty formidable lineup offensively. So there ya go, Skip. This is your lineup. Lock it in, and enjoy the first 2,000-run team in Big League history.

*Destructicus Mashimus will be inducted into the PED wing of Cooperstown in 2032.



  • Al says:

    Brantley at third? Not a huge fan of that. I’d say switch him and Cabrera and that’d make much more sense

  • Chris Burnham says:

    That’s one of the tricky spots in the lineup. Either way would be pretty good, I think. Admittedly, I spent about five minutes on those two guys alone before settling with what I posted.

  • Mary Jo says:

    It is now January 10th. Pitchers and catchers report on February 10th. You have only one month to fritter time away. I suggest making a paper chain. :-)

  • Steve Alex says:

    The manager might want his two best run producers, Santana and Swisher, 3-4. Swisher might be ideal as a #5, but this team doesn’t have a strong enough 1-4 for that luxury, not after the Choo trade. I love Kipnis leading off because you need a stolen base threat and high energy guy in the honorary Lofton spot, and Kipnis is definitely that guy. Cabrera would be an ideal #2.

  • Drew says:

    The only thing that I could throw in there is that the Indians sans Choo do not have a legit lead-off hitter. Looking at OBP from the last two seasons, seriously, Ezekiel Carrera has the highest in the leadoff spot outside of Choo. That may not be that bad of an option (Carerra DH) leading off. Then Kipnis, Cabrera, Santana, Swisher, Brantley, Reynolds, Chisenhall, and Stubbs.

  • Be Rad says:

    Carrera as anything other than a 4th OF is embarrassing. Despite that he looks fast, he has not shown to be a defensive attribute. He won’t walk much, so unless he is an Ichiro like slap hitter with a BA over .310 his OBP will hurt the team at the top of the order. Assuming we don’t add another bat to rotate with Reynolds at 1B/DH, the big question is will Tito trust Brantley can take some BB’s in front of the most powerful hitters. If you trust Brantley I would go Brantley, A Cab, Santana, Swish, Reynolds, Kipnis, internal RH DH,Chisenhall, Stubbs. I think I have more faith in Kipnis’ bat than most, I would be tempted to swap him with Reynolds. I would not prefer that line up, because when I watch Brantley and think his ceiling is more a David Justice style player, not awesome leadoff guy. When Tito calls me to ask my opinion of the line up I will tell him: Kipnis, A Cab, Santana, Swish, Reynolds, Brantley, RH Internal DH, Chisenhall, Stubbs. They are 1 hitter away from a very quality line up If they could find a LF, RF, 1B, or DH thats right handed I would be as excited as I was going in 2006 for the offense. As for the Pitching staff who the hell knows, Jarret Wright and Chad Ogea surprised us once!