Otis Anderson of Bay City Ball contacted us regarding the Orlando Cabrera trade. He had some questions about the Giants new infielder and referred to a counseling pamphlet he had received entitled So Your Team Just Acquired Orlando Cabrera. We’ve reprinted the text below for our friends over in San Francisco.

Congratulations! Your team has just acquired one of the most versatile, well-traveled infielders in the major leagues. Over the last 15 years, Orlando Cabrera has played in every division in both leagues. Chances are, he’s faced your team before and can tell your players all about the quirks and tells of opposing pitchers, the best restaurants in any city, and what ballparks have the cleanest locker rooms. Whether you need a shortstop, second baseman, or even a third baseman, O-Cab can play it.

Your new player may look like a bundle of contradictions. He’s won two Gold Gloves (2001 in the NL and 2007 in the AL) but has also led the league in errors committed, (29 in 2002 in the NL and 25 in 2009 in the AL).  However, don’t be too concerned with his defensive metrics. The important thing to remember is if Orlando Cabrera is in your clubhouse, you’ll be playing in the post-season. He’s played in the post-season for the past five seasons with five different teams and will be happy to do the same for you.

Now that you’ve acquired this good luck charm, it’s important to keep him happy. You can platoon him if you want, but let him play regularly, give him young players to mentor, and a new copy of Atlas Shrugged, and he’ll be a positive influence in your clubhouse.

Once again, congratulations on acquiring Orlando Cabrera. Please be sure to keep him injury-free for the next team.


  • ian says:

    His apparent Ayn Rand fixation troubles me more than his lead glove and cement bat combined.

  • Susan Petrone says:

    Ayn Rand fandom notwithstanding, he reportedly has a reputation as a really great clubhouse guy and seemed to be well-liked among his teammates. We’ll miss him.

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