I came up with this story in my head tonight.  It starts when I load Derek Lowe and Josh Tomlin on a plane, and send them off over the Pacific Ocean.  Someway, somehow, they end up crashing on the island from Lost.  (Remember Lost?  That was a pretty awesome show.)  I don’t really care what happens from that point forward (you can see why I don’t write fiction; everything would have major plot holes).  I can only hope that they both get eaten by the smoke monster so I never have to watch them pitch in an Indians uniform again.

I probably should be thankful for small victories.  When they both appear in the same game together, it really only ruins one game as opposed to two.  If Chris Antonetti and Manny Acta were really adventurous they’d recall Dan Wheeler from Columbus to pitch after Lowe and Tomlin has already put the game out of reach.  The Royals have had a pretty rough run over the past few years, why not help them feel good about themselves by taking batting practice off of Lowe, Tomlin and Wheeler?  I know the Indians are hesitant to release either Lowe or Tomlin, but let’s be realistic here.  You can’t continue to put these guys out on a major league pitching mound.  If they continue to put them out on the mound, there’s nothing left for me to do but cheer for the smoke monster.

If you’ve been watching the standings over the past week, you may have noticed something in addition to the Indians’ free fall – the Twins jumped over the Royals, and the Royals moved into last place, as they had lost five in a row.  So the Indians are once again getting their asses handed to them by a last place team.  Luke Hochevar has an ERA north of 5, and the Indians have had some success against him in the past.  Of course, he’s pretty much shut down the offense.  I should be thankful – three runs is better than a shutout, I guess.  I’m too annoyed to even critique this anymore…what’s the point?  I can’t say anything that you guys haven’t already figured out for yourselves.  They’ve lost 9 of their last 12, and it’s gotten damn ugly up in here.

I just have one word of advice for fellow Indians fans: have you ever seen the show Mystery Science Theater 3000?  I highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it, it’s probably one of my all-time favorite shows.  Basically some comedians make fun of movies…truly awful movies.  I’m talking the worst movies ever made.  I now approach Indians games like I’m watching one of these bad movies, and it requires commentary.  I’m not nearly as witty as they are, but I just sit and make snide comments throughout the duration of the game.  I always felt it was really the only way to make it through bad movies (seriously, if it wasn’t for Rifftrax, their new comedy/movie venture, I never would have made it through Transformers).  The only way I can watch baseball this bad is by approaching it with mockery (or alcohol).

In addition: 

Didn’t have enough bad pitching in tonight’s game?  Count yourself lucky if you missed Roberto Hernandez’s second start of the season today in Columbus.  Since it was a 12:05 p.m. start, I didn’t have a chance to watch the entire game.  The bits of Hernandez that I saw, he looked like he was back to his charming old self.  He was extremely erratic – everything was right down the middle of the plate, or catcher Luke Carlin was doing some acrobatics trying to catch the ball.  He once again made it five innings (surprisingly) and allowed 5 earned runs on 9 hits, walking two and striking out two.  He’s likely to make at least one more minor league start, possibly more as he’s not eligible to pitch in the majors until August 11.  It will probably be with the minor league team that happens to be at home when his next start is due.  I heard that he may make another start at Lake County, or move up to Akron.  Unfortunately, both of those teams were out of town today.

8 Comments

  • Corey Hazlett says:

    So you’re saying that my drunk blog appearances need to become a standard occurrence? I would go the MST3K route but they were presumably sober. I am not funny sober.

  • Stephanie Liscio says:

    Yeah, I think all drunk blogs may be the way to go at this point. You and Erik would need new livers though, the way this team is going.

  • Andy says:

    I loved Lost! I loved when the Indians were winning series too! Spot on with the Smoke Monster getting Tomlin and Lowe. Also, a shot for every runner the Tribe leaves on base is a fun way to get through some of these games!

  • Stephanie Liscio says:

    I think that might be a plan, although we’d probably all be dead after one game! ;) (i.e. more than a dozen runners likely stranded).

    • Drew says:

      How about a powering through an Indians game taking shots of craft beer. Much lower in alcohol content the liquor but since the drink is for every time they fail to advance a runner. Now it could be as many as 27 shots in a game! But with an average ABV of 6%, that’s like drinking a little more than 3 beers. If the game lasts three hours, mix in some food (hot sauce straight from the bottle does not count), you may even be able to drive home!

  • Stephanie Liscio says:

    LOL! The craft beer is a much better idea. You could even change things up a bit and pick some craft beers from the opponents home town for the occasion. You would have to eat something more substantial though…hot sauce hurts your stomach after a while anyway!

  • Peter says:

    I was at the Clippers game yesterday, 9 rows behind home plate. All you can say about Hernandez is that he got his work in. He showed nothing. Rochester hit just about every ball hard. He got lucky when they hit them right at somebody. It was BP. Hard to tell with his baggy uniform, but it looks like he has a gut these days, too.

    All I’m saying is that if you are hoping Hernandez will contribute in a couple of weeks, I don’t see it happening. He made Lowe look sharp.

  • Stephanie Liscio says:

    I’m glad you shared that, because that’s certainly what it looked like in my limited viewing. Any optimism I got from the start at Lake County, pretty much vanished when I saw him in Columbus. There were even a number of really hard hit balls with the Captains as well.

    And what is with the gigantic uniform? Has he always worn it like that and I don’t remember it? He kept grabbing at his crotch at Lake County too…like he was trying to further stretch the pants out!