Perhaps you’ve seen the Drunk History series on Funny or Die…if not, I would recommend checking this out.  So today, we will be trying something similar with baseball blogging.  Two of my friends will be drinking for today’s game (they probably are already drinking) and then I will blog on their responses to the game.  (I’ve been informed they’re already channeling their inner Harry Doyle).  You can think of me as their sober spirit guide to the blogging universe…Susan will join us as well.

So stop back to this very link, starting at 12:05!  I’ll be doing much of the blogging on my phone, so hopefully my fat thumbs will keep typos to a minimum.


Top of 2nd – Had some connectivity problems, but I’m in now.  Their call- here come 4 runs from Masterson.

In the car on the way here, Corey and Erik (guest drunk bloggers) pointed out that Cecil Fielder (they meant Prince) had to leave Milwaukee because he ate Nyger Morgan. That’s why he’s doing so bad this year, it’s an imposter.

Top 3- my cell phone provider is terrible. Here is what you missed:

- Prince Fielder ate Nyger snake-style and digested him in 3 stomachs.

- Travis Hafner is the unincredible Hulk (because he’s out of the lineup).

- As Fielder comes to bat, so does the spirit of Morgan. He’s like Jonah and the whale.

I’m really disappointed that they were mostly silent while Delmon Young was up. That had so much potential.

Bottom 3 – we’re at the power part of the lineup with Lou Marson with a “gentlemen’s .074.”

Top 4 – Corey just asked me if I knew first aid, because he’s hot.

The alcohol seeping through their pores is giving them a nice bronze.

They had some choice comments about Peralta, but they are mostly unpublishable. They did say that he needs to learn to spell because it’s America.

Danny Worth looks like a retired golfer.

Erik (as Bob Dylan plays on the PA system) – Listening to Bob Dylan reminds me how much I hate Joe Mauer. (Erik is a Twins fan).

Jose Lopez can stay, as far as I’m concerned. He makes the wasteland of the order more bearable.

We saw Valverde walk by in the Tigers bullpen, and Corey tried to get me to flash him. Since I am not the one drinking, I did not!

They said that Quintin Berry is the cousin of Marvin Berry from Back to the Future. Or the cousin of Marion Berry.

Someone is throwing in Detroit’s bullpen. (I have no idea why my phone keeps wanton to auto correct Detroit bullpen to bull trout).

OMG – Lou Marson’s average cleared .100 with that hit! I feel like fireworks and confetti should go off.

So the guys almost got in a fight with some Detroit fans. They were saying silly stuff along the lines of “Detroit is awful” and the fan in front of them went nuts and stormed off. I’m thinking that you may not want to go watch your team in a visiting ballpark if you’re that sensitive. I’ve been straight up harassed in visiting parks, but just take it in stride since I’m in their park. If someone would have made fun of Cleveland, I probably would’ve laughed and ignored them.

Corey’s wife just texted him to remind him that she doesn’t have bond money.

They thought Masterson would’be given up about 7 runs right now. Hopefully he makes it throughthis inning, now that I mentioned that

Bottom 7: I called a Duncan strikeout, so at least it was a groundout. Corey and Erik on Marson – “way to work the pitch count.”

One of the guys just asked me why Delmon Young was pinch hitting; I pointed out that he’s been in the entire game.

Aaron Cunningham manages to sneak his way into the game almost every day. Ilook out…POOF, there’s Aaron Cunningham.

Could the Indians actually pull this off???

Bottom 9 – Another great ovation for Perez.

(I just want to add that my skin is boiling in the sun. Sweet, merciful clouds!

Oh please end this before Cabrera gets up.

Holy cow! Cleveland Rocks!

Postgame comments:

If you would’ve told me on Monday that the Indians would sweep the Tigers and beat Verlander in a noon game, I would’ve laughed in your face.

Susan and I decided to ask them to explain team histories:

Corey (Indians) – Many people may not know this, but Indians used to be people. I didn’t realize this until I was an Indians fan.

Erik (Twins) – I hate Joe Mauer.

Not to change the subject, but they had some stuff to say about Chris Perez and how he gave away some tickets for today – that there was so much traffic downtown because Perez gave away 6 tickets.


  • Rob says:

    Any estimate of the percentage of major-leaguers with more more hits in a game than Lou Marson does on the season?

  • Rob says:

    And as I hit send, he hits a single. I’ll have to disparage him more often.

    • Greg says:

      Even Casey Kotchman had the same number of hits that Marson has for the season in one game during this series!

  • Will McIlroy says:

    Nice in game entertainment. 2nd careers beckon.

    Major scent dump. Broom!

  • Mary Jo says:

    If you had told me that one team would sweep and that I had to pick the team and put money on it I would have picked *gasp* the Kitties (hangs head in shame). It’s reasons like ^that^ as to why I do not bet.
    WOW! Just WOW! I still wasn’t thinking sweep when this game started. I mean come ON, Masty-not-so-Nasty this year against Verlander? Guess JV was feeling a bit of a hit from his near-no hitter last time out and we took advantage of that. Go Tribe!
    And what about the crowds since Perez’s rant? Is it because of what he said…or because the weather is nice. Don’t care…

  • Aaron says:

    Awesome win today, and it sounds like fans are going! 23K for a weekday day game is not too shabby…

    Couple of questions: How much longer on Tomlin and what are we doing in the way of a corner outfielder going? I can’t take much more of the Duncan/Damon/Cunningham platoon. The bottom of our lineup is a human wasteland right now (even though Marson and Kotchman came up with hits today…)

  • Kendall says:

    “Corey (Indians) – Many people may not know this, but Indians used to be people. I didn’t realize this until I was an Indians fan.” By far the best quote of this post… My dog was going crazy from me laughing out loud.

  • Stephanie Liscio says:

    I wish I could’ve replied to comments as I was doing this, but I was having a lot of trouble getting my phone to cooperate. Hopefully it would go smoother if I did this again!

    Rob – That happens to me literally every time I rip on a player…he gets a hit. It makes me think that I should also come up with really terrible insults on the reg in order to encourage them to get hits!

    Greg – That is one of those sad, but true stats!

    Will – Glad you enjoyed! I joked that 2/3 of all comments weren’t really publishable. They wanted to find a way to set up an “adult version” on a second site somewhere.

    Mary Jo – When they won on Tuesday, I was happy with that. With Fister and Verlander, I figured that was all I could hope for. After last night, I thought “okay, whatever happens against Verlander, they won the series…” only to be pleasantly surprised for a third time today!

    Aaron – The 23,000 is one of the biggest crowds I’ve seen for one of these noon games. They had a lot of school kids there, but it was still a good crowd.

    I haven’t heard much on Tomlin, but I think he is doing some light throwing at this point. I haven’t heard a timeline yet of how soon he could be back though. And I’m with you on the outfield and the wasteland…I joked a little while ago that I wished I could put Aaron Cunningham and all of the rest of them annoying me on a deserted island somewhere. Kotchman has looked at least a little bit better at the plate though, and I’m willing to put up with a bit more crap from him because of his great defense than I am the other guys.

    Kendall – You made Corey’s day with that comment! Half of the day I was laughing so hard, I could hardly type anything!

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