Here, for your amusement, I present the reworked lyrics to some of your favorite (and perhaps least favorite) Christmas songs. Hey, once upon a time, this kind of thing worked out for “Weird Al” Yankovic.  After all, somebody bought all those copies of “Dare To Be Stupid.”

Happy holidays to all, and thanks for reading IPL!

Lonnie Chisenhall
(to the tune of “Good King Wenceslas”)

Lonnie Chisenhall struck out
Many times last season.
He has got a lot of clout,
Though his swing’s uneven.
Lonnie, how we hope that you
Will start playing better!
All of us here want you to
Get your act together!

Chris Perez
(to the tune of “Silver Bells”)

Clubhouse loner
Part-time stoner
For a while you were great
Six foot four with an arm like a cannon
You grew unhappy
And pitched crappy
Ran afoul of the law
And gave up big home runs near the end

Chris Perez,
Chris Perez!
We wish you well in the future.
If it’s weed
That you need,
May your wife’s dog lead the way.

Unhappy Offseason Time
(to the tune of “Wonderful Christmas Time”)

Our joyful smiles
Have turned to frowns
Without the Tribe
There’s just the Browns

Simply having an unhappy offseason time
Simply having an unhappy offseason time

I miss the Tribe
I miss the park
Drive by the Jake
And find it dark

Simply having an unhappy offseason time
Simply having an unhappy offseason time

I yearn to hear
The words “Play ball!”
Perhaps next year
We’ll win it all

Simply having an unhappy offseason time
Simply having an unhappy offseason time

2 Comments

  • Gvl Steve says:

    Merry Christmas to all the writers and thank you for your contributions.

  • Weston says:

    Hey, wait a minute! “Dare To Be Stupid” wasn’t a parody of an already existing song. It was an original; a pastiche in the style of the band Devo. And I have to say, as a Devo fan, it’s a great song. If you can effectively mimic a band’s unique sound so well that your homage/mock up version fits within the rest of the band’s catalog as a long lost original, that’s a good accomplishment. And I’m happy Weird Al honored one of NE Ohio’s great original bands. (I realize now that you probably meant the ALBUM “Dare to be Stupid”, which no doubt contained several parodies, and that you did not mean the individual title track. oh well, it was too much fun writing this not to post it. :) )