Let’s cop an attitude about the Indians’ 1-0 loss to the Padres Tuesday night at Progressive Field.
Pick your pout:
GRUMPY OLD MAN: Nobody knows how to bunt anymore. Why can’t the Indians move up runners, manufacture a run? They obviously weren’t going to hit a homer, so why not play little ball. Bunting isn’t that hard, but they never practice it. They don’t even take batting practice every day, let alone lay down a practice bunt.
PEAKIED IN HIGH SCHOOL ATHLETE WANNABE: Why couldn’t they turn that double play in the fifth inning? We used to do that every day back at Neverwas High. I should have kept playing because even I would get back to the base faster than Jason Kipnis. And why couldn’t Francisco Lindor get off a throw when he saw Kipnis was late? The run scores and they lose. Man, I should have gone to that tryout!
IT’S THE MEDIA’S FAULT: Why do those announcers jinx Corey Kluber by saying he won all those games in June? They just set him up to fail and even though he was sharp he got no support and gave up some infield bleeders and would have won had they not jinxed him. (I am forced to cut off this guy before he sucks up the allotted electrons dedicated to this website.)
THE GRAMARIAN: Did anyone teach these announcers how to use language? Does Tom Hamilton really think “rebuild” is a noun? Has Rick Manning ever been told most adverbs end in LY? Does he even know what an adverb is? By the way, what was the score?
THE GRINNING, NO-RESPECT-FOR-THE-GAME FAN DOWN THE FIRST BASE LINE: I just wanted a souvenir, so I reached over the fence and picked up the ball in the seventh. I guess it was a live ball, but so what? Carlos Santana’s slow and never would have made it to third. What? That fat cowboy umpire wants me thrown out? This is just a baseball game, get real!
THE INDIANS ARE TERRIBLE AND ALWAYS WERE: This is just like every Indians team. They get in first place early in the season and fade the rest of the way. It’s coming, I tell ya. Just wait. Lindor isn’t really that good. He thinks he’s a power hitter but he isn’t.
EVERYTHING’S GOOD: Man! Did you see Kluber! He was unbelievable again! Ten strikeouts, five hits and one walk over eight innings! That’s Cy Young worthy! Why don’t they let me write in ALL CAPS and exclamation points because we are bound for glory!
THE AMATEUR SABERMATRICIAN: That grumpy old guy is wrong, they should never bunt, except against a shift like Santana did in the third inning. This loss was just fate; once in a while a good team will slump together and lose to a bad team. Excellence is unsustainable. Everything could reverse tomorrow.
THE BASEBALL BEAT REPORTER: What can I say about a 1-0 game? I’ll blame it on Terry Francona missing the game for medical tests. He needs to chew more tobacco.