See that? This is a ransom note for Brandon Moss’ 100th homer of his career. But unfortunately for him, the ball ended up in the clutches of piranha-like bullpen evildoers who used this happy moment for their own materialistic gain.
All the demands are fairly reasonable (well, as reasonable as one could relatively be when you’re making a high six-figures on the low end), until you get to Scrabble. Not only did he double-dip (FOR SHAME!), his secondary request was…
(Hold on, let me squint closer.)
Yup. Lube. Loads of it. Enough to turn his whole house into a Slip-‘n-Slide. Enough to get more drop on his curveball than whatever ol’ Eddie could ever find in his already old lifetime.
And let’s just stop it right there. This is a family place and all.
Let us all bow our heads in memoriam of Brandon Moss’ credit rating. Maybe he could ask Jeremy Guthrie to split the bill. He served it up and all.
Let this be a warning to all Indians’ sluggers on the upcome of a career milestone. The cost will be great. And potentially bizarre.