“The post-game show is brought to you by…I can’t find it. To hell with it.”
- Harry Doyle
One of the duties of those tasked with game recaps is to, well, recap the game – recite the highs and lows without regurgitating the box score verbatim. Well, in my best Harry Doyle impression here it goes:
When the team’s hitting, the pitching stinks. When they’re pitching, the hitting stinks. When they’re pitching and hitting, they can’t catch the ball. When the rotation is rolling, the bullpen is coughing it up. And if everything is clicking, well, we haven’t seen it yet this season.
And tonight, unfortunately, was the absolute epitome of what’s ailed the Tribe thus far in the season: they couldn’t put it all together. Again.
Right-hander – and budding 2015 breakout candidate of the year – Trevor Bauer wasn’t nearly as sharp as he has been in his first three starts this season, finishing with just two punch outs in six innings of work. The former third overall pick, who was gift wrapped to the Tribe, coughed up a solo shot to Alex Gordon in second, allowed a pair of runs during a wacky fourth inning (Kendrys Morales singled, advanced to second on a balk, and would later score along with Gordon on an Omar Infante single), but would depart two innings later with a 5-to-3 lead.
And that’s where I somehow channeled my inner Harry Doyle.
Scott Atchison lasted just four batters, surrendering the lead on a single and a pair of doubles. Marc Rzepczynski tiptoed around the bag (without actually touching it). A Brett Hayes error. And…boom…the formerly steady Bryan Shaw was called on to serve up a gopher ball to Kendrys Morales, plating Mike Moustakas and Eric Hosmer. The score: 5-to-9.
Only adding insult to injury – and making my girlfriend endure some more Harry Doyle-isms, long man Anthony Swarzak coughed up a pair of runs in the top of ninth inning.
The Tribe’s back at it again tomorrow, 6:10, with fireballers Yordano Ventura and Danny Salazar matching up. Maybe if Ventura’s mean-streak hasn’t been reined in by then I can do the fight scene play-by-play from Major League II…