Normally, I hate writing recaps for losses. I try to be as objective as I can be, even though I want to lob sarcastic quips at the team for their disheartening performances. Tonight, the Indians dropped their fourth game in a row and thoroughly erased all those good vibes they built up in Texas, and my desire to say unkind things is at an all-time high. For that reason, I’ve decided to ask for some help in writing this recap, and I’ve brought in everyone’s favorite curmudgeons: Waldorf and Statler from The Muppet Show.
Statler: Hey, Waldorf, I thought we were here to watch a baseball game.
Waldorf: We are.
Statler: Well then why is that green frog still here?
Waldorf: That’s the other team’s mascot.
Statler: Oh, that’s a relief. He’s so fat, I thought the frog had finally eaten that pig that’s been following him around!
Anyway, let’s get to the recap of this game. Justin Masterson started this game for the Indians, and he was terrible. He was pulled after two-plus innings of work, walking four and allowing five earned runs. His ERA on the season now sits at 5.05, and his salary demands in the Spring are seeming more and more outlandish by the day.
Waldorf: Hey, I really like that Justin Masterson.
Statler: You do?
Waldorf: Yeah, he’s a real show-stopper.
Statler: Too bad he didn’t stop this show!
Aside from Justin Masterson, the offense was mostly punchless again in Beantown, with the majority of the damage coming early on a two-run home run by Carlos Santana. Other than that, Asdrubal Cabrera had two doubles and scored on a Michael Brantley double in the 3rd, but that’s about all the Indians managed.
Statler: There’s a lot to be said about this team’s offensive production.
Waldorf: Too bad you can’t say it on a family website!
The Indians bullpen was tasked with working six innings tonight, and they couldn’t keep the game close, allowing five more runs: two each by Scrabble and Shaw, and a long home run surrendered to Xander Bogaerts by Cody Allen. Indians pitching, as a team, registered only three strikeouts tonight.
Waldorf: You know, there are some advantages to watching these games on TV.
Statler: Oh yeah? What’s that?
Waldorf: You can turn it off!
Tomorrow, the Indians and Red Sox square off again at Fenway Park. TJ House will go against Jake Peavy at 4:05 EST. The Indians will need a solid performance from House, as the bullpen was used extensively on Friday night.
Any final thoughts, guys?
Statler: Watching this team right now is terrible!
Statler: See you tomorrow?
See you tomorrow.