It has come to our attention that you have been performing magic in the presence of Muggles. May I remind you of the seriousness of this offense? We looked the other way when you used the Conjunctivitis Curse on Kevin Towers to make him think he was signing to trade a pile of used Eddie Bauer sweatshirts instead of pitcher Trevor Bauer because we found the whole thing rather amusing. And we couldn’t find any actual use of magic in the signing of former star players. However, it appears that you may have put a major league player, his agent, and perhaps the front office of the New York Mets under the Imperius Curse.
We will be conducting a full investigation into this matter as well as performing periodic searches of the clubhouse area, manager’s office, and locker rooms for banned substances. The brewing and/or use of Felix Felicitis portion is banned during all organized competitions. Please note that as a result of the activities of the past weekend, we are actively discussing banning its use during off-season negotiations as well.
Please remember that wizards are forbidden to perform magic in the presence of Muggles because it leads to Raised Expectations. We can’t have that. Another offense of this kind will require you to appear before the Wizengamot. In the future, we ask that you restrain yourself and your new-found powers. We all knew you weren’t a squib.