All the talk over the past few days has been the validity of alleged and/or guilty users of performance-enhancing drugs being inducted into Cooperstown. It is a worthy conversation as it has essentially become the baseball topic du jour. And being that we have entered the winter blahs portion of the calender, and baseball’s big moves have (likely) been made, I know that there isn’t much to seek our teeth into for another month and a half. It doesn’t change the fact that I am just tired of seeing my Twitter timeline being dominated by it. I’m dangerously close to not caring at all. Have the PED-users wing. Problem solved. I have more important stuff to worry about.
Like pretending I know the best lineup to slot in day in, day out! Something that recent Indians managers either did not have the talent capacity for, or, worse, the scant possibility that they just couldn’t figure it out on their own. So I’m gonna help our new skipper. Because I’m not above admitting to y’all that I know everything.
This is the lineup that I would think would provide the best mix of balance (and match-up difficulties for opponents).
7. Destructicus Mashimus* (Back story: The best designated-hitter in the universe, and we don’t have one as of yet. Antonetti and Francona sent me on a scouting trip since Mike Morse is whining like a big baby. Amazingly, I found him at a bus stop in Greece. He willing to play for payment in Ramen Noodles. Capable of hitting .380/67 homers/562 RBI; Keith Law soils himself. Can move up the lineup with experience. Has an even worse throwing arm than Grady Sizemore and Johnny Damon combined. Max distance per throw: 15 feet.)
Now I know that matching up doesn’t automatically lead to success. It tempts managers to over-manage at times. To me, that looks like a pretty formidable lineup offensively. So there ya go, Skip. This is your lineup. Lock it in, and enjoy the first 2,000-run team in Big League history.
*Destructicus Mashimus will be inducted into the PED wing of Cooperstown in 2032.