I came up with this story in my head tonight. It starts when I load Derek Lowe and Josh Tomlin on a plane, and send them off over the Pacific Ocean. Someway, somehow, they end up crashing on the island from Lost. (Remember Lost? That was a pretty awesome show.) I don’t really care what happens from that point forward (you can see why I don’t write fiction; everything would have major plot holes). I can only hope that they both get eaten by the smoke monster so I never have to watch them pitch in an Indians uniform again.
I probably should be thankful for small victories. When they both appear in the same game together, it really only ruins one game as opposed to two. If Chris Antonetti and Manny Acta were really adventurous they’d recall Dan Wheeler from Columbus to pitch after Lowe and Tomlin has already put the game out of reach. The Royals have had a pretty rough run over the past few years, why not help them feel good about themselves by taking batting practice off of Lowe, Tomlin and Wheeler? I know the Indians are hesitant to release either Lowe or Tomlin, but let’s be realistic here. You can’t continue to put these guys out on a major league pitching mound. If they continue to put them out on the mound, there’s nothing left for me to do but cheer for the smoke monster.
If you’ve been watching the standings over the past week, you may have noticed something in addition to the Indians’ free fall – the Twins jumped over the Royals, and the Royals moved into last place, as they had lost five in a row. So the Indians are once again getting their asses handed to them by a last place team. Luke Hochevar has an ERA north of 5, and the Indians have had some success against him in the past. Of course, he’s pretty much shut down the offense. I should be thankful – three runs is better than a shutout, I guess. I’m too annoyed to even critique this anymore…what’s the point? I can’t say anything that you guys haven’t already figured out for yourselves. They’ve lost 9 of their last 12, and it’s gotten damn ugly up in here.
I just have one word of advice for fellow Indians fans: have you ever seen the show Mystery Science Theater 3000? I highly recommend it if you haven’t seen it, it’s probably one of my all-time favorite shows. Basically some comedians make fun of movies…truly awful movies. I’m talking the worst movies ever made. I now approach Indians games like I’m watching one of these bad movies, and it requires commentary. I’m not nearly as witty as they are, but I just sit and make snide comments throughout the duration of the game. I always felt it was really the only way to make it through bad movies (seriously, if it wasn’t for Rifftrax, their new comedy/movie venture, I never would have made it through Transformers). The only way I can watch baseball this bad is by approaching it with mockery (or alcohol).
Didn’t have enough bad pitching in tonight’s game? Count yourself lucky if you missed Roberto Hernandez’s second start of the season today in Columbus. Since it was a 12:05 p.m. start, I didn’t have a chance to watch the entire game. The bits of Hernandez that I saw, he looked like he was back to his charming old self. He was extremely erratic – everything was right down the middle of the plate, or catcher Luke Carlin was doing some acrobatics trying to catch the ball. He once again made it five innings (surprisingly) and allowed 5 earned runs on 9 hits, walking two and striking out two. He’s likely to make at least one more minor league start, possibly more as he’s not eligible to pitch in the majors until August 11. It will probably be with the minor league team that happens to be at home when his next start is due. I heard that he may make another start at Lake County, or move up to Akron. Unfortunately, both of those teams were out of town today.