Perhaps you’ve seen the Drunk History series on Funny or Die…if not, I would recommend checking this out. So today, we will be trying something similar with baseball blogging. Two of my friends will be drinking for today’s game (they probably are already drinking) and then I will blog on their responses to the game. (I’ve been informed they’re already channeling their inner Harry Doyle). You can think of me as their sober spirit guide to the blogging universe…Susan will join us as well.
So stop back to this very link, starting at 12:05! I’ll be doing much of the blogging on my phone, so hopefully my fat thumbs will keep typos to a minimum.
Top of 2nd – Had some connectivity problems, but I’m in now. Their call- here come 4 runs from Masterson.
In the car on the way here, Corey and Erik (guest drunk bloggers) pointed out that Cecil Fielder (they meant Prince) had to leave Milwaukee because he ate Nyger Morgan. That’s why he’s doing so bad this year, it’s an imposter.
Top 3- my cell phone provider is terrible. Here is what you missed:
- Prince Fielder ate Nyger snake-style and digested him in 3 stomachs.
- Travis Hafner is the unincredible Hulk (because he’s out of the lineup).
- As Fielder comes to bat, so does the spirit of Morgan. He’s like Jonah and the whale.
I’m really disappointed that they were mostly silent while Delmon Young was up. That had so much potential.
Bottom 3 – we’re at the power part of the lineup with Lou Marson with a “gentlemen’s .074.”
Top 4 – Corey just asked me if I knew first aid, because he’s hot.
The alcohol seeping through their pores is giving them a nice bronze.
They had some choice comments about Peralta, but they are mostly unpublishable. They did say that he needs to learn to spell because it’s America.
Danny Worth looks like a retired golfer.
Erik (as Bob Dylan plays on the PA system) – Listening to Bob Dylan reminds me how much I hate Joe Mauer. (Erik is a Twins fan).
Jose Lopez can stay, as far as I’m concerned. He makes the wasteland of the order more bearable.
We saw Valverde walk by in the Tigers bullpen, and Corey tried to get me to flash him. Since I am not the one drinking, I did not!
They said that Quintin Berry is the cousin of Marvin Berry from Back to the Future. Or the cousin of Marion Berry.
Someone is throwing in Detroit’s bullpen. (I have no idea why my phone keeps wanton to auto correct Detroit bullpen to bull trout).
OMG – Lou Marson’s average cleared .100 with that hit! I feel like fireworks and confetti should go off.
So the guys almost got in a fight with some Detroit fans. They were saying silly stuff along the lines of “Detroit is awful” and the fan in front of them went nuts and stormed off. I’m thinking that you may not want to go watch your team in a visiting ballpark if you’re that sensitive. I’ve been straight up harassed in visiting parks, but just take it in stride since I’m in their park. If someone would have made fun of Cleveland, I probably would’ve laughed and ignored them.
Corey’s wife just texted him to remind him that she doesn’t have bond money.
They thought Masterson would’be given up about 7 runs right now. Hopefully he makes it throughthis inning, now that I mentioned that
Bottom 7: I called a Duncan strikeout, so at least it was a groundout. Corey and Erik on Marson – “way to work the pitch count.”
One of the guys just asked me why Delmon Young was pinch hitting; I pointed out that he’s been in the entire game.
Aaron Cunningham manages to sneak his way into the game almost every day. Ilook out…POOF, there’s Aaron Cunningham.
Could the Indians actually pull this off???
Bottom 9 – Another great ovation for Perez.
(I just want to add that my skin is boiling in the sun. Sweet, merciful clouds!
Oh please end this before Cabrera gets up.
Holy cow! Cleveland Rocks!
If you would’ve told me on Monday that the Indians would sweep the Tigers and beat Verlander in a noon game, I would’ve laughed in your face.
Susan and I decided to ask them to explain team histories:
Corey (Indians) – Many people may not know this, but Indians used to be people. I didn’t realize this until I was an Indians fan.
Erik (Twins) – I hate Joe Mauer.
Not to change the subject, but they had some stuff to say about Chris Perez and how he gave away some tickets for today – that there was so much traffic downtown because Perez gave away 6 tickets.